Mommy Chronicles

A funny look at motherhood and the mayhem it causes.

October 14, 2005

The Physics of Parenting

It doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to have kids. But then again, a basic understanding of physics can really help you raise your nuclear family.

Antimatter: Excessive, often inappropriate gifts given by aunts (and uncles)

Black hole: Your child’s brain after watching too much TV

Cold fusion: When your kids pass the same cold back and forth to each other all winter

Gravity: How you measure the length of a time out; the heavier the crime, the longer the time

Light year: The year before you became a parent (and each year before that)

Newtonian Physics: Explains the paradox of how fig cookies that stick to furniture can unstick your child’s colon

Particle Physics: The tendency of a couch to accumulate basic units of household matter

Perpetual Motion: The dance the dog does under the highchair

Quark: The sound that alerts you to a dirty diaper

Radioactivity: A child’s tendency to turn up the volume on the radio or TV, even after you've yelled "turn it down" 1,000 times

Relativity: The closer family members live to you, the faster they seem to run away when you need free baby-sitting

Speed of light: How quickly the morning comes when you’ve up all night with a newborn

String Theory: Explains why shoes always come untied, while yo-yos tie and kites do the opposite

Super collider: A room with two boys in it (see also quark and vortex)

Thermodynamics: The tendency of a child to squirm uncontrollably while you’re trying to take her temperature

Vortex: Another word for a room that has been visited by children


Blogger Toni said...

VERY funny! Loved this.

10:58 AM  
Blogger jo said...

How very true!!
You left out VACUUM. Which could mean the upright dust collector in the corner of the living room. Or, what your kids' brains are while they're watching TV.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Martha Brockenbrough said...

Toni and Jo, thanks for your comments. And yes - how could I leave out vacuum?

11:09 AM  

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